Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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