there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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