cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize