What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
