hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
