I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
