Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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