i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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