p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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