I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
