Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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