Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
