all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
