butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
