walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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