Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
