kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner