we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
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There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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