I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
