also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.