I just threw up on my dentist
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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