he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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