I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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