Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
