brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
