I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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