she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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