i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
