I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
