Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
