Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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