who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
