Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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