I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
