I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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