FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
