What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
home. puking in laundry basket.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
