they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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