she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
