White coat. Heels.
He felt like a one man threesome
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
