how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
