ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
