I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
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Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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