she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
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We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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