Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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