i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
