obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize