Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
