is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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