Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
