The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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