Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am spending my child support on dildos
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
