Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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