Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
