I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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