Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
