Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
