I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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