He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm getting married
To pizza
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
