So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
