Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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