why didn't you poke me back
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
