my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
