Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
