I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
