Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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