explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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