like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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