I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
