I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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