forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
