Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
