Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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