i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
