Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize