we made out on top of his cat.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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