I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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