haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
why is half of my head shaved?
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