So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am one with the molecules
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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