OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
