In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
