i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The ass gains better be worth it
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