mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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