It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
