I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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