I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
